On Sunday, Chris and I walked Gertie along the Hudson River as usual. Like any other day, we were discussing one of two main topics of conversation – 1) the meaning of life, or 2) how cute Gertie is.
We rarely stray from those topics as neither has any limit.
Often, we catch words or sentences of other people’s conversations on these walks. Its not as if we are eavesdropping (yes we are), but we’re more overhearing (I realize there is no difference). In any case, between the two of us we’ve been privy to A LOT and its truly amazing what people will say when they don’t think anyone is listening.
Take for instance, these two broads on Sunday. I've heard a lot in my day and my jaw rarely hits the ground - but after overhearing these two, I dragged it for a good 50 yards.
The scene:
Two women, early 30’s, both mildly attractive, both blabbering loudly.
Woman #1: Men are so much better in New Orleans.
Woman #2: No kidding.
#1: New Orleans men are real men who like to go out and party and have a good time no matter what. New York men are just pussies who are all married and too afraid to leave their wives and girlfriends in order to have fun in life.
#2: So they stay in bad relationships, I know.
#1: Totally.
Chris and I must have walked in silence for a good 30 seconds before he said “Did you…” and I said “Yeah.”
Personally I think this is a new low in female reasoning. You see, what these two women were doing was convincing themselves that their issues with men in general stem from something other than themselves. In short, they were justifying why they’re still single. But it wasn’t the usual “He’s got Mother issues” or “He was too hurt by his last relationship” or “He just needs some time to figure out what HE needs” (please) – it was “All the men here are married and no fun”.
Oh, Ladies, Ladies, Ladies. If you think every man in New York City is married and - gasp – refuses to cheat, you are sorely mistaken! I personally know lots of delicious single guys and I see hundreds more every day. Methinks the answer you’re looking for is... wait for it… wait for it… YOU’RE PSYCHOPATHS.
Perhaps you’re not psychopaths (you are) but perhaps they (as in every male in New York) are smart and therefore tell you they’re married or have girlfriends (whether its true or not) just to dodge the bullet of crazy that is you. Or maybe they actually ARE married or have girlfriends and you missed the boat – because guys have been dodging your crazy bullet for years.
I’ve been to New Orleans and I’ve partied with “real men” – most of whom are from someplace else, pretending to be someone else so that girls will flash them for beads. Saying that those men are ‘real men’ is like saying that Vegas is teeming with marriage material who won’t pawn your ring for a buy-in. Its just….uneducated.
When we were blessed enough to overhear these two Beacons of Rationality (insert sarcasm here) we were around Chelsea Piers (23rd Street). To put my/our reaction into perspective, we didn’t stop talking about them until we were home and I was feeling defeated by yet another idiotic woman and her moronic friend who make it SO DIFFICULT for us females – as a gender – to survive outside of the Romantic Comedy. We live in Battery Park….
What do I mean by this? I mean the He’s Just Not That Into You Romantic Comedy genre and the 4 billion other books/movies about manic, neurotic women, who spend all of their tireless energy “trying to get the guy”.
YES, these women exist (these two for instance) and YES, we’re all a little neurotic every now and then (I personally lead the charge). But what is perhaps a more relevant and definitely more interesting fact about women is that we are awesome.
And complex.
And intelligent.
Perhaps superior (if only for the birthing thing).
So why is it that we paint ourselves (and men just follow suit) as crazy bitches? Because we actually say stupid shit like “New York men are just pussies who are married and too afraid to leave their wives and girlfriends in order to have fun in life” to make ourselves feel better about not having one. And then we get our girlfriends to agree.
Nothing irks me more.
And, interestingly enough, nothing irks Chris more either. Although men are a little more black and white than us (understatement), he appreciates the fact that there is a fine line between insanity and genius – and that we women, teeter on it. Thus, we are awesome - and should be painted as such!
So when numbskulls like Tweedle Dee and Tweedle VERY Dum say something so…profoundly horrifying…this makes ME look bad because I share a chromosome with them. How is that fair?
Because of these unfortunate few, are we seriously destined to be viewed as generic caricatures within crappy Romantic Comedies? I fear it. In an alarming capacity, we are bound to the pages of chick books, appearing as “the lunatic brides”, or “the shopoholics” or “the drama queens”. We’re “the girl in the office doling out dating advice to our unlucky-in-love female co-workers, all of whom fit into one of several stereotypes”. We’re “the guy’s best friend and confidant, hoping that he will soon realize that WE are the one he’s wanted all along.”
What’s possibly worse than being pigeon-holed like this, is that we are programmed and encouraged by the Romantic Comedy to think that that actually happens - so when it doesn't, girls say the darnedest things to justify why it didn’t.
Granted, I love Romantic Comedies and I’ve justified some ridiculous things in my day. Thinking of it makes me cringe (and giggle). I, too, have spent a little too much time trying to dissect the male psyche, even though I know it just comes back to mine.
But saying dumb stuff like those two girls on Sunday, makes me want to exile them from the island. Go to New Orleans! Find a good-time-guy! Leave the married, taken, and single ones here. Because usually, behind every great guy is a greater girl. And it seems the New York guys you’ve been chasing have been right all along…you’re just not that girl.
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