A Big Apple a Day: Tip This

Night before last, I met a friend on 51st and Park for a drink or two (or 4).

Its a little-known fact about me that I HATE walking in to places alone. Restaurants, mostly – bars, especially – snooty bars, so much so that I’d rather drink at home. I don’t know. I don’t struggle with self-esteem issues, I’m not self-conscious, and I am naturally awesome, but alas, I hate it.

To combat this, I either wait outside, or I take a deep breath, and walk in acting like I own the place – which I assure you, is just an act.

ANYWAY, I was early, and this place (an outdoor bar/restaurant) appeared to be super-snooty. Lucky, I had an incredibly cute dress on (fact) and my hair was cooperating due to the humidity (yes, you read that right). So I decided to go in, and get a table - as that day was not a day to wait sheepishly outside for my friend to arrive. I was workin’ it.

Surprisingly, the place wasn’t as snooty as it appeared from the outside. Cocktail tables were readily available, and the bar was blaring tunes from the early ‘90’s top 40 list (which is just about when everybody at the bar hit their peak in life), so I had a one-up on the place from the get go (as I peaked between ’97 and ’98).

Still, I had nothing to pretend to do while I waited (i.e. book reading, emailing, Facebook stalking) so I literally just sat there, probably looking like I was one lonely moment away from busting a move to “You Gotta Be” by Des’Ree.

And then, the world’s weirdest-in-the-coolest-way waitress came over to take my order, and my night got decidedly better. She was a strange bird, who made awkward jokes and obvious puns (which I don’t think she realized were puns – or obvious) but she made me instantly comfortable. She was friendly, and she smiled, and she made me think that my order (a margarita) was the best order she’d taken all night. She was – and I don’t use this word often – delightful.

I waitressed for a staggering 6 years. One thing I can say about those years, is that they provided me the most priceless tip ever: the key to success is to be friendly and courteous as much as humanly possible.

I’ve never witnessed such textbook examples of ‘give and take’ as I have in the service industry. Friendliness breeds friends. Rudeness breeds assholes. If you’re a waitperson, and you’re friendly and cheerful, you will not only have an easier time with the patron, but you’ll be rewarded (unless they’re French) with a terrific tip. If you’re rude and bitter, you will not only be greeted with that in return, but you’ll inevitably find yourself spitting into their food and/or drink, and then feeling bad about it later.

Sidenote: Yes, that really happens. So the next time you want to send something back, or you complain about the temperature in the restaurant, or you bitch about not being able to substitute a side dish, remember what I said about the spitting. More alarming fact? The nicer the restaurant, the more it happens.

In any case, the equation for a successful shift/life is not rocket science: give attitude, get attitude – whether its good or bad. This is why it never fails to surprise me how many ornery waiters/people exist. At this point, I expect my server to be rude and to act put out when I say that “tap is fine”. So much so, that when this girl was unpretentious, and borderline funny, I was taken aback - and grateful that there is at least one person out there who isn’t afraid to be...nice.

Maybe she was drunk, who knows. All I know is that she made my night, and soon, I was joined by a friend – and she made his night, too.

When we asked for the bill, she brought over the tab, and delivered it with a disclaimer. When I originally sat down, she took my order without asking for a card to keep with the tab. Therefore, she didn’t know my name, and had to name me something in order to keep my tab going in the computer.

She explained this to me, and I cringed. When I used to do this, I’d name people “Free bowl of soup hat”, or “Thong showing”, or “Spare Tire”. Therefore, I was afraid to look.

Turns out, she had named me “Glowing”.

Girlfriend got a great tip.