A Big Apple a Day: And I haven't even had my coffee yet.

While waiting for my apple-a-day this morning (among other fruits), I couldn’t help but notice that the line for my fruit guy was longer than usual. Maybe its because its offensively hot already and its 8:20am, maybe its because the weekend’s overindulgence has lead the masses to seek healthier breakfasts (not that I would know), or maybe its because this fruit is like morning candy – all I know is that the line was long, and I made myself late to work to stand on it.

While waiting for my order, I notice a little scuffle a few people behind me. I look back to see a woman, standing behind a man who appears to be British (not that I’m one for stereotypes, but this Dude’s suit + hair + teeth = British). The woman looks like she’s about to bite his head off, praying mantis-style. And then, seconds later, she lights into him…

“I’m not gonna go there this morning, because I don’t feel like it. BUT, if you think you can just insert yourself into line in front of me again, I’m gonna go there. If you walk up here and jump in front of me again, I’ll haul off and hit it you.”

Man, looking like he peed his pants: “I didn’t cut you.”

Woman: “You didn’t WHAT?! Yes you did! Yes. You. Did. And if you do it again, I swear, I will haul off and hit you!!”

At this point, everyone in line was pretending that they were invisible, or listening to music (earphones, or not). The people BEHIND these two – who probably knew exactly whether or not he had cut, had all diverted their eyes, and the woman behind me looked overly interested in her shoes. As for me, I couldn’t let it go. Call me crazy, but I couldn’t let that slide.

I mean, even if he DID cut her, who behaves that way? At 8:20am on a Tuesday wouldn’t you just say “Excuse me, the line begins back there” or something a little less aggro than “I’m going to haul off and hit you”?

Also, I think its worth noting that these people are business people. This wasn’t a tourist and an angry street vendor having it out. These were two people, freshly pressed, freshly showered, and on their respective ways to work.

I think its also worth noting that this woman was not dressed as if she worked at the DMV – which would have been the only valid excuse.

So I start audibly gasping and say buoyantly, “Well, Good Morning, Everyone!! God, its Tuesday morning - not even Monday. I’d expect this on a Monday. I tell ya, if I hadn’t ordered already, I would offer you my spot in line.”

And she says, pointing right at me “I don’t need nice, either.”

Me: “It sounds to me like you might.”

I paid my fruit guy, who probably understood 3 words of the exchange, but apparently didn’t need to – he was smiling and shaking his head.

“They’re fighting over your fruit, Dude!”, I said. He smiled bigger – by now, he knows who “Dude” is.

I then turned and went down the line, personally wishing everyone in it a “Good Morning”. In the end, I got one scowl, seven smiles, and a large tin of fruit salad. And I didn’t even have to haul off and hit anyone…