Exciting Times: Ants, Aliens and Nic Cage.

It was suggested to me by Bryan Hoffman (the world’s biggest shit-giver) that I blog about “how exciting I am” because I opted to bail on a tequila shot fest with him in order to stay home and watch a horrific Nicolas Cage movie (aren’t they all) with my fuzzy two-legged and four-legged friends.

Granted, it was a Friday night, and as if Nic Cage isn’t a waste of enough time – to waste a coveted weekend night with him, is nothing short of a travesty. I KNOW.

Nonetheless, I stayed home.

I’m not proud to admit this, but we watched “Knowing”, which is a sci-fi movie about the prediction of tragic events, aliens using Earth as an ant farm, bad hair plugs, worse acting and the eventual end of days.

It was all a bunch of bally-hoo. However, the movie did something very interesting: it continued the recent (and seemingly endless) theorizing that Chris and I have been doing about life as we know it, life as we don’t know it, and aliens. The short of it? Chris believes whole-heartedly in aliens. I think I married wrong.

But oddly enough, we’ve been on this topic for months. It started with us seeing a History Channel blurb about the Egyptian pyramids. This prompted Chris to tell me his theory on how aliens beamed down, and showed all of Mesopotamia how to mummify people – which prompted me to think he was kidding. Until I realized he wasn’t.

Coincidentally, we watched “Hornton Hears a Who” shortly thereafter, and with that, our debate on the origin, meaning, and demise of the human race was officially underway.

I think its worth noting here, that neither of us smoke pot.

Anyway, not knowing that “Knowing” was going to crazily Hollywood-up the ending with Arian looking aliens (seriously, I’d have thought they were from Greenwich, CT, had it not been for the black trench coats) taking what seemed like a modern day Noah’s Ark spaceship full of 2 of everything into space, I was actually surprised when the underlying theme of the movie fueled the fire of our ongoing debate.

As opposed to huffing off to bed in a fury because I’d never get those two hours of my life back, we actually launched into a discussion about it. Needless to say, this did not happen after watching, say, “Con Air”.

No, I don’t think that Arian Aliens are going to save a modern “Adam and Eve” from the incineration of the Earth’s surface, and re-plant them on a ‘New Earth’ to begin this whole charade all over again. But -- the idea that we’re being observed like tiny creatures in a glass case in a living room of something huge is intriguing indeed!

I mean, the Who’s existed on a spec, and believed that that spec was the whole Universe…until Hornton heard them. So…whos to say we’re not Whos?

Crazy as it may sound, Nic Cage and his posse of equally embarrassing actors might be on to something, here. While I don’t believe that the world’s tragedies can be predicted, I’d like to believe that we are a part of something bigger. And if that’s the case, there’s a chance that we are, literally, living in a giant ant farm.

Think about it: ants are social. They live in colonies and have jobs like “worker” or “soldier”. Ant societies have division of labor, communication between individuals, and an ability to solve complex problems. Check, check and check. Most importantly, colonies consist mostly of women, with a couple of horny men thrown in there, otherwise known as – get this – “Drones”. Fertile females are “Queens”. This is uncanny, no?

And I’ll bet you anything that ants have no idea that their universe is a tiny spec on the ground of ours.

So if we are, in fact, bigger versions of the ant, then New York is certainly a colony, and I am certainly a “Worker”. I get up, walk from point A to point B, work, get food, work some more and return home. Sometimes, I’ll have drinks with my female friends (one of whom is a Queen!), sometimes, I’ll stay home with my Drone, and sometimes, I should go out on a Friday night for tequila – because the World (our world) could be incinerated or stepped on tomorrow. And since I’m certainly not in the running to make the cut for Noah’s Sky Ark (no one in New York City is), I might as well go out with a buzz on.

So color me “exciting” from here on out, Hoffman. You have Nicolas Cage to thank.