A Dark Day in Ridgefield History

On September 22nd, 2001, I attended the funeral of the only person I knew personally who perished in the attacks on 9/11. His name was Tyler Ugolyn, and he was my boyfriend for about 5 minutes the summer before I went off to 8th grade, and he entered High School.

Obviously, he was much more than my boyfriend for five minutes in 1993, but the fact that he was, always makes me smile. He was the kind of guy that seriously EVERYBODY liked - as it was impossible not to. Its annoying that those types of people are always taken too soon. Whereas the people who take them are still alive and well.

Anyway, I was a Senior at the University of Delaware during the attacks, and I was close enough to my hometown of Ridgefield, CT, to attend Ty's funeral. Three of my closest friends were not.

When I got back to my parent's house, I remember being in a trance. Exhausted from the emotionality of the weeks prior, I was almost too tired to sleep. I remember sitting in my Dad's leather desk chair with his giant PC and a Diet Coke until the wee hours of the morning, drafting an email to my friends who weren't able to make it home.

I thought about Ty all day today, and when I came home, I searched for that email, and found it. I've decided to post it. Not only because I would like to honor his memory, but because its relatable.

That's the thing about September 11th...everyone can relate.

Subject: A Dark Day in Ridgefield History

At 9:15 this morning, I stood on the bricked entrance to St.
Mary's peering over the coffee that I had hoped was hiding
my tired face.

Despite my father's running commentary about "God damned
Towel Heads", I couldn't take my eyes off the flood of
darkly-dressed, zombie-faced people making their way up
the sidewalk. It was like a Twilight Zone high school
reunion, and all I wanted to do was to wake up.

At 9:20, we rushed in to claim three of the last pew
seats in the house...the service was scheduled to start
at 10. For the next forty minutes, I watched. I watched
faces walk by that I haven't seen in years. Faces that
I never thought I would see again. It was weird,
though...the faces were different...older. But they
weren't the happy faces I so fondly remember seeing
in the halls of RHS...this time they were pained, some
angry, some on the verge of tears. As I scanned the
room, there were few people that I actually made eye
contact with. There was the Davis family...Amanda kept
looking back and eventually smiled. Sara Jacka-whatever
was across the isle...there was a moment of contemplation,
and then no recognition. Mike Coffee was sitting to my
left, Mike Principe was standing to my left, and if I
turned my head to about 4 o'clock on my right, I could
see Liz Townsend. Mrs.Fennel with her unmistakable hair
sat directly in front of me. Later I shook her hand when
we were asked to greet those around us. No one spoke.
Except, of course, for my dad, who broke the silence by
making fun of the choir who was practicing in the balcony
above us. He made me laugh...I felt like the Devil.

At 9:59 it was way past standing room only. It was shoulder
to shoulder and looking around, I imagined there were dozens
who weren't even lucky enough to enter the church. Later
I learned that they were huddled near the outside speakers,
all on the balls of their feet, attempting at a glimpse
inside.

Music started, we rose, and the remaining Ugolyn family
passed on my right practically holding each other up as
they made their way to the front. My dad started convulsing
as he always does when he doesn't want anyone to know he's
lost it. From there, it was a series of hymns, gospel
readings, and prayers. I was numb to the Bible talk. Preachy,
preachy...then, Ron O'Brien stood behind the podium, and
made me cry. When Kirk Castles poured himself into the mic,
I was on tissue number two, and then Scott Weiss got me
thinking about what friendship really is. When Ty's roommate
described their first encounter, and his girlfriend described
their last, I saw myself, and I saw you guys, and I cried
through tissue number four. We sang "God Bless America" as
the family exited the church...I reached for number five.

Like a black-clad snake, what seemed like thousands of
people slithered to the reception doors. Some waited over
an hour to get inside. Soon after my father commented on
"some kid with earrings", we left, as we were about 300th
in line to pay our respects.

It's 2:15am. I just got back from Bully's. It was packed.
Some were there to drown their grief, others were there
to support, but it seemed like all of us were there to
laugh...for maybe the first time in 11 days. Tonight it
wasn't Bully's. It was the halls of RHS. It was full
of those smiling faces that I so fondly remember. It was Ty.
It was just what we needed.

For more about Ty, click below. He was featured in Sports Illustrated on September 24, 2001, and his story was continued today...

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1023760/index.htm?eref=sisf

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2009/writers/jeff_pearlman/09/11/ugolyn/?eref=shareFB


*Photo (and all of the other mind-blowingly great photos posted on this blog) by: Christopher Loren Ewers

GERTIE SAYS:

I know in my heart that man is good.
That what is right will always eventually triumph.
And there's purpose and worth to each and every life.

- Ronald Reagan

The Saddest Day of the Year: from the 18th Floor

Even though I see it, hear it and walk around it every day, it often escapes me that I have a front row seat to the aftermath of the most horrific day to date.

Ground Zero, 9/11 and all things related have become a part of my life in a way that is difficult to describe. But I'm very glad they have. Its quite an experience - and a quite a view. Especially today (see above).

I received an email from Chris this morning that I thought I'd share a piece of:

[I'm missing you today something fierce.

I was very sad and emo during the moments of silence at 8:46 and 9:03. It was the first time since we've moved in that it really hit home where we live, what we look at, and what I photograph everyday.

Standing there in the window, I could literally hear the silence outside and a solitary, ringing bell indicating the exact moment when the planes hit. It crushed me. All at once I was overwhelmed with the understanding that almost 3,000 people died 8 years ago right in front of our apartment and hearing the surviving family members read the names of their lost loved ones on the TV behind me made me miss you severely.]

The University of Nantucket

10 years ago, almost exactly, I was returning to college to embark on my sophomore year after having spent the summer living and working on Nantucket Island. I remember knowing at the time that I had had a big summer. It was unlike anything I’d ever experienced (largely thanks to Julia Ix, the 26-year-old on my fake ID). I knew I’d never forget it – but I knew very little about how much that summer (the Summer of ’99) would impact the rest of my life.

I was there this past weekend with 4 of my closest friends, 2 of whom I lived with that summer (see picture, see the Freshman 15, try not to laugh). It brought back a flood of memories – good, bad, and embarrassing – but perhaps what was most surprising was when I took a moment to really think about what that seemingly tiny decision did to the course of my life thus far. In 1999, I figured “Why not?! Why not live on Nantucket for a summer?” And thus, I changed the entire course of my future.

I got off the ferry in June of ’99 so bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, that I defined that cliché. I settled easily into my friend’s parents’ sweet digs, which perched on a cliff overlooking the Atlantic. When I arrived, I had 2 suitcases (full of bathing suits and sweatshirts), a lead on a hostessing job at a popular local restaurant, and a fake ID that couldn’t pass for me if I was blond and had blue eyes (like she did). I thought I was SO READY.

Turns out, I was. I could have used a few less Mom-shirts and a few more SPF’s in my sun screen, but I was ready. I was a little sponge at 19, and I absorbed it all. That summer (which happened to be the 1st of 4) was the best internship I could have asked for. And I got paid for it – imagine that.

Things I learned in college that I still use today*:

- Microsoft Word.
- Plastic Keg Cups.
- Procrastination skills.
- How to write compelling stories about boring people.

Things I learned on Nantucket that I still use today:

- Smile your way into getting the job. I did it then (with no experience), I did it to get the job I have now, and I did it to get every job in between the two. It never fails.
- Never let anybody intimidate you. Several of my contemporaries at the time cried at the receiving end of our boss, Timmy’s wrath. Me? I would offer him a mint, and tell him to go have a smoke. He always took me up on it – and respected me for it.
- Deal with rich people in the same way you deal with your nieces and nephews. You have to be nice…but you must be confident and stern, or they’ll walk all over you. Also, when in doubt, use a treat. A little treat from the kitchen soothes the sting of having to – gasp – wait for a table (or anything).
- A cold cocktail to the spine of a bare back is a sure-fire way to make it unscathed through a busy bar.
- Always, always, always have these two things: a back door (for coming and going) and an extra table (or, a little ‘cushion’).
- Be the first one to scope out the new staff. One of them may turn out to be your future husband.
- A shot of beer is an instant cure to all anxiety.
- If you want to look older (or just old), wear a scarf around your neck. I look 19 going on 46 in every picture from that summer.
- When someone tells you to run, RUN.
- When your brother defends you, let him – that’s what siblings are for.
- When trying to convince someone of something, look them in the eye. Especially if you are convincing them that you are 26. And blond.
- Making friends with bartenders is the best and fastest way to save money while getting drunk in the process.
- Trading is key. If you can trade what you have for something you need, everybody wins.
- Stillettos have a one-summer shelf-life when cobblestones are involved.
- Don’t ever go anywhere where you have to stand on line - its never worth it (unless its for ice cream). But if you do, know that the girl at the door holds the key to your night. Be nice.
- Huevos Rancheros is not the best breakfast before a day at the beach.
- USE PENCIL. Things change.
- Everything is a puzzle. Any problem can be solved with a little creative re-positioning.
- Skinnydip with friends, only - and avoid pictures.
- Sunblock actually is necessary (that lesson took 10 years to learn).
- Everyone loves drama, and everyone is still mentally in High School. Steer clear of the rumor mill - or eventually, it will be about you.
- The boss always wins. Especially when the boss is a woman.
- Be wary of a popped collar.
- Be extra wary of anything with whales on it. Especially pants.
- When someone asks you what Private School you attended, take a phantom phone call.
- When entering a party where you know no one, smile and head straight for the bar.
- Don’t let your jaw hit the ground when your friends turn 30. You’ll be 30 someday, too.
- Phone etiquette is key. Without it, you’re seriously without.
- Never let anyone see you panic – even when you think you might puke.
- Always be prepared for a hospital visit.
- Working hard is the best workout.
- Friends remember everything, and never let you forget either.
- Be equally pleasant to everyone. You never know who you’re talking to.
- And perhaps the greatest universal lesson of all: if you can’t tone it, tan it.

Bored yet? Because the list goes on.

Its alarming how lessons learned then on a tiny island have translated into real life now on another tiny island - but they certainly have. I largely survive in New York on the knowledge I absorbed by spending a summer on Nantucket 10 years ago. And its all because I figured "Why not?!"

So the next time you make a seemingly small decision, think of me. I suppose that life's biggest events spawn from the smallest bends in the road.

Thank you, Gray Lady.

*Mom and Dad: please look away.

GERTIE SAYS:

We are still masters of our fate.
We are still captains of our souls.

- Winston Churchill

Todays the day...

....http://blog.weddzilla.com/

Go, comment, and try to be nice.

I, on the other hand, will be back in action on Tuesday. And by "back in action", I mean in a coma. Day 2 of my five day, five girl, five hundred glasses of wine on one tiny island extravaganza, and I'm already in need of a good detox. If I return, I predict it will be in pieces. Very happy pieces.

Until then, cheers Friends...hope your weekends are Labor-free.

GERTIE SAYS:

"I do not wish to treat friendships daintily, but with the roughest courage. When they are real, they are not glass threads or frost-work, but the solidest thing we know."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson